I had a chiropractor client once who mentioned something during our session that really stuck with me. She told me how she sometimes says to her patients, “Do as I say, not as I do” when it comes to self-care.

Here was this practitioner – someone at the top of her profession at a busy clinic – yet she was pushing herself hard, working long hours, and not taking care of her own body enough.

It wasn’t disappointing as much as it was familiar in this profession. I recognized the pattern because I did the same thing before – giving advice I wasn’t always following myself.

On the other end, I keep hearing from clients: “I don’t have time or energy,” or “life got in the way out of my control.”

So this isn’t about adding more to your to-do list. It’s about finding what actually fits into the life you’re already living.

What I Keep Seeing

I had another client, a semi-professional boxer, who came to me frustrated about his shoulder and back issues. Everyone seemed to have advice for him. “Try this stretch, do that exercise, use this technique.” The more suggestions he received, the more confused he became. Nothing was working.

When he asked me what he should do, I told him, “Actually, that’s exactly why I don’t really give generic advice. You’re the one who knows what works best for your body.”

I felt him relax a little during our session. Afterward, he mentioned feeling more encouraged to actually listen to what his body was telling him.

The thing is, all this generic advice – stretch more, move around, exercise, hydrate, meditate, take baths – it just creates more confusion. Another thing to feel guilty about not doing perfectly.

This pattern of confusion around wellness advice became personal for me too. For years, I was seeking the secret to wellness outside myself – in courses, mentors, other practitioners. I thought someone out there had the magic formula.

As an overweight teenager, I tried countless approaches to wellness. I followed expectations, chased other people’s definitions of health.

What I realized is that the secret lies within me. There is no secret, actually – it’s more about finding out what works sustainably and what doesn’t work through direct experimentation. The real discovery was developing the willingness to listen to my body instead of my conditioning about what I “should” be doing.

What Actually Works for Me

People sometimes ask me what I do for my own self-care, and honestly, I don’t follow a set routine. I just listen to what my body needs and go with that. Over time, I’ve found a few tools I keep coming back to.

My foam roller is by far my most-used tool. It’s nice and easy, and honestly, the quickest solution when I need relief but don’t have time for detailed work. Don’t judge me for calling it a “quick fix,” but life isn’t perfect. I roll it slowly and if I hit something tender, I just stay there and breathe instead of rolling straight through it. Sometimes I’ve got projects or other things to focus on, and that little bit on the roller makes everything feel more manageable.

Then there’s my spiky massage ball. This one is perfect for those stubborn spots around my shoulder blades where tension always seems to build up from work. I find the exact spot with my fingers first, then just lean into it against the floor — steady pressure for couple of seconds, or sometimes I move my arm around to help the release. I usually reach for it on the days my shoulders have basically lived up around my ears.

I love using my gua sha on my fingers, arms, and neck, especially after busy days when they feel tired. It’s a refreshing reset.

My acupressure pen is the most specific tool I use, especially for my fingers and toes. Because of my work, those areas could probably use attention every day, but it’s also the most time-consuming. I save it for when I’ve actually got a couple of quiet minutes and a specific spot that’s been nagging at me.

At the end of the day, it’s not about sticking to some rigid routine. I just check in with myself and ask, “What do I need right now?” Some days it’s a quick roll, other days it’s taking more time with pressure points.

The Reality of Practice

Even sitting here writing this blog reminds me of how tension builds up during screentime. I just accept this is life. The trick isn’t to avoid it, but to do it with awareness and boundaries – learning from the patterns instead of repeating the same mistakes.

Maybe the real authenticity isn’t about being perfect at self-care. Maybe it’s about being honest about the process and sharing what we’ve genuinely learned through trial and error.

We all have this built-in ability to figure out what actually works for us — if we’re willing to listen. A really important part of that is being kind to yourself.

Instead of asking “What should I be doing for self-care?” try asking “What is my body asking for right now?” When you tune into your body’s actual signals rather than following generic advice, you stop trying to force yourself into someone else’s version of wellness and start discovering what authentic balance feels like for you.

That chiropractor I mentioned at the start — I think about her sometimes. “Do as I say, not as I do.” She said it like a joke but there was something real underneath it.

I’m still working on it too. Some days I use the foam roller, some days I don’t. Some days I actually stop and ask myself what I need instead of just pushing through. That’s the practice — not the tools, not the routine. Just the willingness to keep asking.